The Ultimate Halloween: 7 "Sexy Undead AUDL Team" Costumes for Under $10

If you believe the internet, vampires are hot. Well, at Ultiwhirled, we figure that if you’re already going 'sexy' and 'undead' for your Halloween party, you might as well go all-in this year and make it an ultimate theme, too. In honor of the recently deceased Lions and Dragons, here are our suggestions for seven “Sexy Undead AUDL Team” costumes that you can make for under ten bucks:

Sexy Connecticut Constitution:

What to Wear: Plain white cotton t-shirt, blue athletic shorts. Borrow a sharpie and write “Connecticut” on the front (careful with spelling). Eyeblack and wide receiver gloves are a must. To sexy it up, use a pair of scissors to trim the shirt and expose your midriff.

Signature Pickup Line: “Hey, baby, I’d love to show you the meaning of Due Process. How do you feel about a two-thirds majority?”

Power Move: Celebrate the 21^st Amendment like it’s your 21^st birthday. When the cops come to break up the party, school them with your knowledge of the 4^th amendment protections against unreasonable search and seizure. Throw around phrases like “Do you have a warrant?” and “Am I being detained?”

Sexy New Jersey Hammerhead:

What to Wear: Blue shirt. Yellow socks if you have them. Paint your face grey. Buy some $0.50 vampire fangs. (Optionally, swing by the dollar store and buy a plastic toy hammer from the kids aisle; tape it like a fauxhawk to the top of a Jets hat borrowed from a friend. Hat must be worn backwards.) For maximum sexiness, go full Jersey and cut off your sleeves.

Signature Pickup Line: “Stop. Hammertime.”

Power Move: Go hard, talk a big game, get absolutely hammered in the first hour, and pass out in the backyard.

Sexy Salt Lake Lion:

What To Wear: Go pick up the cheapest cat-ear headband you can get (preferably yellow or brown--should be about 3 dollars at a local party shop). Paint golden whiskers on your face. Don’t shave. Wear a white, short-sleeved dress shirt, dress pants, and a tie. Wear a name-tag, and carry a shoulder bag full of 11^th edition rule-books printed off the internet. (Note: this costume doesn't get sexy before marriage.)

Signature Pickup Line: “Can I interest you in some ultimate literature? It really is a wonderful game that teaches great values.”

Power Move: Don’t drink, and be really nice to everyone. Offer free rides home for anyone who wants one. Propose a party-wide scrabble competition.

Sexy Rochester Dragon:

What to Wear: Wear multiple shades of blue. Bend a couple of coat-hangers to make a frame for wings; use construction-paper and tape to make the membranes; attach the whole wing-contraption to a couple of your belts, so you can wear it like a backpack. Sexify this costume by cutting weak-points in your shirt's soft underbelly. (Bonus Option: wear a coonskin cap or carry around a toy rifle, to honor your Buffalo Hunter days, but refuse to discuss it.)

Signature Pickup Line: “You liked the Hobbit?  Well, Smaug and I are tight. I could introduce you.”

Power Move: Show up early. Note the next three guests to arrive. Hold out longer than any of them. Even if you have to switch to coffee, you can’t go home until at least an hour after they do.

Sexy Rhode Island Rampage:

What to Wear: Black shorts and the most obnoxiously orange shirt you can find.  Wrap a paper-towel tube in orange construction paper.  Use a string to attach it to your head. You can customize the sexy factor here by how exactly you choose to sculpt your rhino horn.

Signature Pickup Line: “You know, the Sumatran rhino has two horns. Care to see my second?” 

Power Move: Show up twenty minutes late. Blame traffic. Steal the guy Connecticut has been hitting on all night.

Sexy Columbus Crane:

What to Wear: Dark blue athletic shirt and shorts. Go pick up one of those $2 bags of feathers at a costume shop. Use Elmer’s safety school glue and stick a bunch of feathers around your collar and edges of your sleeves, as if your inner crane is just barely contained. Costume made sexier by how many people will try to see how far down the feathers go. Wear a white OSU cap. 

Signature Pickup Line: “No I’m serious. We had a team. Stop laughing!”

Power Move: Be the Lincoln Chaffee of the party. Have no scandals. Do nothing memorable. Leave the party at 10:15pm. Go to bed and don’t text anyone.

Honorable Mention: Sexy Philadelphia Spinner:

What to Wear: Red athletic shirt, white pants. Either use construction paper (with manila folder backing) to make a huge game-spinner to carry around with you...or go full on Flavor Flav and bring the clock on your wall as a necklace. Every time you take a drink, turn a full circle. For maximum sexiness, drop and do push-ups in the middle of the party until Coach tells you to stop.

Signature Pickup Line: “When I look at you I get dizzy; it's like the whole world spins around you.”

Power Move: Challenge the hottest girl to a dance-battle at midnight. When you win, cut the music, hop up on a table, proclaim the party a ‘bunch of bullshit,’ and announce that you’re leaving to start your own party. To build a sense of mystery, invite only the first eight people to express interest. Make sure to post a bunch of Instagram videos from your new shindig.

Where No Team Has Gone Before: AUDL Snubs Boston again, Announces 2016 Mars Expansion

The Martian Manhunters are coming to the AUDL in 2016.

The league announced the new expansion team early Friday morning, confirming the rampant overnight Twitter rumors, with a tweet of their own that shocked the ultimate world: 

“Hey, @MarsCuriosity! Want to throw? #ultrastartrek #AUDL2016 #mudl"  

 @theaudl; 8 Oct 2015;6:03AM EDT

"Selfie at the fields! California, you know what's up."--Curiosity

AUDL Commissioner Steve Gordon spoke to reporters two hours later, during a press conference at his New York office. 

“The AUDL is thrilled to welcome the Manhunters to the fastest-growing semiprofessional disc sport league in this world or any other,” said Commissioner Gordon. "We're confident that the Manhunters will be a great addition to the League."

The announcement comes as a slight surprise, since the general consensus in recent weeks among pro ultimate insiders has pointed toward possible franchise locations in either Boston or Beantown -- with an outside chance of North-North-North-East Providence.

“I’ll admit, this comes as a bit of a shock," said Evan Lepler on his daily ultimate talkshow on ESPN Radio. "We all thought Boston for sure. With the whole Connecticut-Rhode Island thing well in the rearview mirror now, I would've thought the AUDL would finally be getting into in Boston."

Lepler was referring to the AUD's legal trouble during its first season back in 2012. The league sued two of its founding teams, the Rhode Island Rampage and Connecticut Constitution, over the rights to the Boston territory, which the league had previously sold to those teams. The league asserted the legal principle of habeas dibsus and argued that its contracts were, in technical terms, shittus bulli. The teams settled and exited the league rather than pay fees and fines out of their ample profits.

Since then, despite widespread speculation and hope, the league has repeatedly declined to expand into Boston or challenge MLU for control of one of the East Coast’s prized markets. For 2016, the league has once again passed over the city of brotherly sports entitlement, to the disappointment of untold dozens of Boston-area AUDL fans.

At the press conference, Commissioner Gordon addressed the choice of Mars over Boston for the 2016 expansion Manhunters:

 “We considered every possible market. Boston was seriously considered—as were many others, including St. Louis, Denver, and co-finalist Anchorage. We feel like we’ve done our homework, and we’re confident that 2016 is exactly the right time to tap into the emerging Martian market.

“Are there some logistical issues to work out? Sure. I don’t really know how low gravity and minimal air pressure will affect the disc.

“But let’s face it, Mars is hot right now. NASA’s announcement about liquid water…Matt Damon’s new movie…I mean, if the dude from Dogma can get tens of millions of Americans to pay to sit through a two-and-a-half-hour movie, I’m sure we can get twice that to come watch an actual, live sporting event.”

Early response from outside parties seems promising from a business standpoint. The Manhunters have reportedly received interest from potential corporate sponsors, including Spirit Airlines, Red Bull, and 21^st Century Fox, and from possible fan-service partners, SpaceX and VirginGalactic. A political strategist for GOP Presidential front-runner Donald Trump has confirmed that the candidate has inquired about naming rights to the Manhunters' stadium.

Nonetheless, many are skeptical about the league’s decision to place a franchise on Mars, including Ultiworld's 2015 Women's Club Player of the Year, Leila Tunnell, who criticized the league's choice in a phone interview, saying:

“It just smacks of opportunism and sensationalism.  They’re cheaply cashing in on the buzz right now. I mean, seriously? Boston is clearly a great ultimate town that could support a franchise. We [Brute Squad] just won the USAU title, and I’m sure Ironside finished second or third or something. This is the place to be for ultimate. But the AUDL picks Mars over us? That’s just plain shortsighted.”

But even some critics have admitted the expansion plan has a certain sense of logic.

“I’m not totally sold on Mars,” said Ultiworld's 2015 Men's Club Player of the Year, Cassidy Rasmussen. “It sounds like a difficult location, what with public transportation being such a concern for residents. But if that’s what it takes to grow the sport and reach new audiences, it’s probably worth it. Plus, it can’t be any worse than Salt Lake City.”

Commissioner Gordon insists that the move is fully in-line with the league's philosophy about monetization and expansion as drivers for growing the game.

“We are innovators in business and in sport,” said Gordon. “We push the boundaries and expand aggressively. We believe in the potential of free enterprise, and in the value of spreading this great sport. We’ve always said that there’s a market for this game, even if we have to make that market ourselves.  If you build it, and if you advertise it, they will come.”

Asked whether the league plans on experimenting with a women’s division any time soon—Martian or otherwise—Gordon immediately replied:

“No. Given current market forces, it just doesn’t make business sense.”