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Friday, October 30, 2015

The Ultimate Halloween: 7 "Sexy Undead AUDL Team" Costumes for Under $10

If you believe the internet, vampires are hot. Well, at Ultiwhirled, we figure that if you’re already going 'sexy' and 'undead' for your Halloween party, you might as well go all-in this year and make it an ultimate theme, too. In honor of the recently deceased Lions and Dragons, here are our suggestions for seven “Sexy Undead AUDL Team” costumes that you can make for under ten bucks:

Sexy Connecticut Constitution:
What to Wear: Plain white cotton t-shirt, blue athletic shorts. Borrow a sharpie and write “Connecticut” on the front (careful with spelling). Eyeblack and wide receiver gloves are a must. To sexy it up, use a pair of scissors to trim the shirt and expose your midriff.
Signature Pickup Line: “Hey, baby, I’d love to show you the meaning of Due Process. How do you feel about a two-thirds majority?”
Power Move: Celebrate the 21st Amendment like it’s your 21st birthday. When the cops come to break up the party, school them with your knowledge of the 4th amendment protections against unreasonable search and seizure. Throw around phrases like “Do you have a warrant?” and “Am I being detained?”

Sexy New Jersey Hammerhead:
What to Wear: Blue shirt. Yellow socks if you have them. Paint your face grey. Buy some $0.50 vampire fangs. (Optionally, swing by the dollar store and buy a plastic toy hammer from the kids aisle; tape it like a fauxhawk to the top of a Jets hat borrowed from a friend. Hat must be worn backwards.) For maximum sexiness, go full Jersey and cut off your sleeves.
Signature Pickup Line: “Stop. Hammertime.”
Power Move: Go hard, talk a big game, get absolutely hammered in the first hour, and pass out in the backyard.

Sexy Salt Lake Lion:

What To Wear: Go pick up the cheapest cat-ear headband you can get (preferably yellow or brown--should be about 3 dollars at a local party shop). Paint golden whiskers on your face. Don’t shave. Wear a white, short-sleeved dress shirt, dress pants, and a tie. Wear a name-tag, and carry a shoulder bag full of 11th edition rule-books printed off the internet. (Note: this costume doesn't get sexy before marriage.)
Signature Pickup Line: “Can I interest you in some ultimate literature? It really is a wonderful game that teaches great values.”
Power Move: Don’t drink, and be really nice to everyone. Offer free rides home for anyone who wants one. Propose a party-wide scrabble competition.

Sexy Rochester Dragon:
What to Wear: Wear multiple shades of blue. Bend a couple of coat-hangers to make a frame for wings; use construction-paper and tape to make the membranes; attach the whole wing-contraption to a couple of your belts, so you can wear it like a backpack. Sexify this costume by cutting weak-points in your shirt's soft underbelly. (Bonus Option: wear a coonskin cap or carry around a toy rifle, to honor your Buffalo Hunter days, but refuse to discuss it.)
Signature Pickup Line: “You liked the Hobbit?  Well, Smaug and I are tight. I could introduce you.”
Power Move: Show up early. Note the next three guests to arrive. Hold out longer than any of them. Even if you have to switch to coffee, you can’t go home until at least an hour after they do.

Sexy Rhode Island Rampage:
What to Wear: Black shorts and the most obnoxiously orange shirt you can find.  Wrap a paper-towel tube in orange construction paper.  Use a string to attach it to your head. You can customize the sexy factor here by how exactly you choose to sculpt your rhino horn.
Signature Pickup Line: “You know, the Sumatran rhino has two horns. Care to see my second?” 
Power Move: Show up twenty minutes late. Blame traffic. Steal the guy Connecticut has been hitting on all night.

Sexy Columbus Crane:
What to Wear: Dark blue athletic shirt and shorts. Go pick up one of those $2 bags of feathers at a costume shop. Use Elmer’s safety school glue and stick a bunch of feathers around your collar and edges of your sleeves, as if your inner crane is just barely contained. Costume made sexier by how many people will try to see how far down the feathers go. Wear a white OSU cap. 
Signature Pickup Line: “No I’m serious. We had a team. Stop laughing!”
Power Move: Be the Lincoln Chaffee of the party. Have no scandals. Do nothing memorable. Leave the party at 10:15pm. Go to bed and don’t text anyone.

Honorable Mention: Sexy Philadelphia Spinner:
What to Wear: Red athletic shirt, white pants. Either use construction paper (with manila folder backing) to make a huge game-spinner to carry around with you...or go full on Flavor Flav and bring the clock on your wall as a necklace. Every time you take a drink, turn a full circle. For maximum sexiness, drop and do push-ups in the middle of the party until Coach tells you to stop.
Signature Pickup Line: “When I look at you I get dizzy; it's like the whole world spins around you.”
Power Move: Challenge the hottest girl to a dance-battle at midnight. When you win, cut the music, hop up on a table, proclaim the party a ‘bunch of bullshit,’ and announce that you’re leaving to start your own party. To build a sense of mystery, invite only the first eight people to express interest. Make sure to post a bunch of Instagram videos from your new shindig.

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