Muffin Not Actually Suspended, Just Needed Break from Pulsar

Rumors swirled Thursday afternoon after reports that the Boston Whitecaps’ Brandon “Muffin” Malecek had been suspended by the MLU for posting a caustic review of the league’s official disc, the Innova Pulsar.  The reality, however, is far less exciting.  In fact, Muffin was not suspended but instead elected to take a personal day this Saturday, a much-needed break, he says, from having to throw the Pulsar. 

“Yeah, I just couldn’t deal with it anymore,” said Malecek in a Skype interview with Ultiwhirled.  “It has been a really long season, just game after game, every throw made worse by that shitty disc.  I don’t think I’d have half as many turnovers if we were using the Ultra-Star.  I decided to just take a step back and clear my head.” 

Malecek, known most for his serene self-awareness and ability to carefully regulate his emotion, insisted that it wouldn’t be a problem moving forward. 

“You know, honestly, I feel like writing that blog post just sort of crystalized the frustrations that had been building up,” said Malecek.  “I’d been kind of just burying everything ‘til this point, but I think it’s just time to give myself a day off, collect my thoughts, and get ready for the playoffs.”   

Continued Malecek, “Plus, seriously, I mean it’s the Rumble.” 

MLU Commissioner Jeff Snader confirmed via e-mail that Malecek’s absence was, in fact, voluntary.  Wrote Snader:

“Major League Ultimate firmly believes in allowing its players to freely express themselves, so I don’t know where you all would get the idea that we would suspend a player just for something like that.  I mean, seriously, look at how much freedom we give them.  They can choose how far they want to tuck their shirts into their jerseys, as well as what size of mandatory, official MLU socks to wear, and what kind of hat they leave on the sideline.  We respect freedom of expression, even when it’s whining about change.”  

Continued Snader, “With that cleared up, I’ll just say that I hope Brandon gets himself the break he needs.  Because apparently he can’t get one with a Pulsar.”