According to a new Ultiwhirled survey, 99.5% of Major League Ultimate’s 200 players think that the Innova Pulsar is “The Best Disc of All Time.” Surprisingly, a similar percentage of players are not suspended for their teams’ regular-season finales this coming weekend.
In the wake of these findings, and of Brandon Malecek's public negativity toward the Pulsar, Ultiwhirled reached out to several team captains from around Major League Ultimate for comment on the league’s official disc. Here were their responses.
"I just feel incredibly blessed to have been able to come to this country and play with this disc. Back in Venezuela, we only have Whammo's. Playing with the Pulsar is a privilege for which I will always be grateful." --Mauro Ortiz, Vancouver Nighthawks
"I don't know what Muffin was talking about. The Pulsar is amazing. Its flawless, rock-hard body reminds me of my own, and I'm pretty sure it lifts almost as much as I do. I mean, look at those ridges; they're like the abs of a disc. And the rim isn't 'deep,' it's just swoll. Maybe Muffin's just blaming the Pulsar for that layout handblock I got on him." --Daniel Kantor, DC Current
"If I had to describe the Pulsar in five words, it would be 'practically perfect in every way.' It's basically the Mary Poppins of discs. It wouldn't surprise me if the Pulsar spontaneously burst into a show-stopping musical number complete with cartoon animals. In fact, wait...that would be kind of awesome. Can we get someone on that?" --Cody Bjorklund, Portland Stags
"The Pulsar is a disc with character, with resolve, with honor. It has the heart of a champion, and it thrives in the biggest moments. It's the kind of disc I would want my daughter to marry." --Trey Katzenbach, Philadephia Spinners
"I love the Pulsar! It's basically God's gift to ultimate. I also love Friction Gloves, DeFeet socks, Five Ultimate uniforms, Elemental video encoding, and Waveborn sunglasses. I don't know how I would play without any of that stuff, and I'd never want to. You're writing all this down, right? I want to make sure to go on record. I love it all. Wait, we don't have official compression shorts, do we?" --Ben Faust, New York Rumble