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Friday, May 10, 2013

MLU Super Power Rankings

There's been a lot of talk about Power Rankings lately, but sometimes Power Rankings just don't go far enough.  Here are the Major League Ultimate teams ranked by Super Power.  Each team has been assigned a representative Marvel or DC comics character.  

#1--Vancouver Nighthawks
Character:  Nighthawk
Power(s):  Elite athlete with some awesome gear. 
Verdict:  Sporting the name of an actual super-villain-turned-hero the Nighthawks are the runaway winners.  Will Five Ultimate provide jet-packs to complete the look?

#2--Seattle Rainmakers
Character:  Storm
Power(s):  Control of weather.  Flight. 
Verdict:  Storm has always been, and will always be, completely awesome.  She has extremely versatile powers, and she can beat the crap out of a Morlock in hand-to-hand combat. 

#3--Boston Whitecaps
Character:  Swashbuckling Pirate Batman on the high seas. 
Power(s):  Exactly what it sounds like. 
Verdict:  Admit it.  You had no idea such a thing existed. does.  You're welcome. 

#4--DC Current
Character:  Static
Power(s):  Electricity generation and magnetism. 
Verdict:  He can do the whole Magneto bit and throw lightning bolts.  But for real, how cool was that Static Shock show back in the day?  

#5--New York Rumble
Character:  Avalanche
Power(s):  Create powerful vibrations to destroy structures. 
Verdict:  Pretty cool power, but inability to directly affect living opponents seems to be hampering the Rumble so far this season.  

#6--Philly Spinners
Character:  Red Tornado
Power(s):  An android with extreme physical abilities and the power to create tornadoes.  Sent to infiltrate DC heroes group. 
Verdict:  Hm...his initial mission was to learn the secrets to one organization's success, in order to bring about its demise.  Perhaps a little too true to life?

#7--Portland Stags
Character:  Beast Boy
Power(s):  Take form of various animals (in this case, especially a stag).  
Verdict:  Pretty great power as compared to non-super-heroes, but overall not great.  

#8--San Francisco Dogfish
Character:  Aquaman 
Power(s):  Um..talking to fish?  Or something.  Who cares?  He's Aquaman.  
Verdict:   As in all things, Aquaman is easily the worst.  

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